A bit more

Apr. 23rd, 2030 10:05 am
viciousteeth: (Old Heather)
[personal profile] viciousteeth
First, I'd like to thank all of the folks that have invited me into their little corner of the world. I look forward to getting to know all of you and catching myself up (Yeah, I'm really going to read as many back entries as possible) As you know my name is Heather, I'm a 37 year old INFP, if those letters don't make sense, it basically means you're dealing with a squishy, laid back, awkward, hermit type person. I lead a pretty uneventful and quiet life. This isn't a complaint, I'm quite happy to have my boring, simple, little life because the first 20 years of my life weren't so happy, so simple, or so quiet. I have responsibilities (Not many, cause, ick) some bills, and obligations, though I usually try to avoid them cause, ick.  If there is something you would like to know that I haven't covered in this feel free to ask. Sometimes, it's hard to know exactly what to include in an introductory post, and what information people will find of interest or importance.

I live in a small town in Pennsylvania that is exactly a half hour from PennState, an hour away from Harrisburg, and over 2 hours away from one of my favorite cities, Philadelphia.  If you've never been to Mutters medical museum, you should go! It's a bit smaller than what you'd think, but they have a gigantic colon there, so I think it's worth the car ride! I moved to Lewistown (The armpit I was referring to) over ten years ago from York (I was about 14 ish. Maybe a bit more ish than 14) and I still have no idea where anything is at. I never took the time to memorize locations because I never thought I was going to be here all that long. So when someone says, do you know the 5 points or industrial park is, I just nod my head, even though I have no idea what they're on about. I thought I'd be passing through because we never stayed in one place very long, my mother used to say that my father had gypsy blood in him. I think I might've inherited a bit of the restlessness myself, but as much as I like to wander, I like to know that I have a home, though where that home is, I'm not entirely sure. I've lived here the longest, but it doesn't feel as welcoming as I think home should feel all the time.

When I was younger, I used to think a lot about living in the city. As I've gotten older though, I couldn't imagine myself being happy in a place with so much activity. Part of me likes the anonymity and that no one knows my story, but the other part could not handle the noise or energy. I do like the quite surrounding of where I live now, but I hate having to duck down isles, or pretend that I didn't see someone to avoid conversation. This isn't to say I don't like people, or conversations, I absolutely do, but all I am ever given is commentary on the weather, complaints about the price of things, and gossip about people I don't care to keep up with. I get small talk, I understand it, but I'm not a fan. It makes me anxious because I'm not quite sure how to keep it going!

Let's see what else....

I can be a bit shy, even on the internet! I try to imagine the people on the other side of the screen sitting on the toilet with their pants around their ankle, or wearing cowboy hats while they're reading or typing a response, but it doesn't help all that much. Maybe that's more than what you needed to know, or what you should know, but it's out there now and we all have to live with it. (See what I mean about what to share and what to leave out!) There was a time that I was so shy, I used to hand items over that I wanted and had other people pay for them because I was so worried the cashier would talk to me, and I wouldn't know what to say back. I laugh about it now (You can too, it's totally cool) but that used to be such a huge thing for me.

As I've said, I don't have particulars, or preferences really when it comes to friending people. I've met many people who I've shared many interest with, but found it difficult to relate to or click with. Then there have been others where we hated each others taste in movies and music, but our conversations flowed freely and unforced, like good conversations should! We just played well together. Yeah it's nice to nerd out with someone about movies, books or music (I'm into all 3) but it's not really a sturdy foundation to build a friendship on. I take that word friendship seriously, and when I do call someone friend, I do so for life. The end of a friendship is very much like the end of a love affair, because that's what friendships are in a way.

All I expect is that people be authentic, so there is no need to filter me out. I don't want perfection, I want real. The more mistakes, the better! I want to know real people who say what they feel and feel what they say.  Let's see what else...Oh, I give everyone the freedom to be boring (Hey, we are all occasionally. We just bore the balls or ovaries off someone, sometimes. It happens!) and to say something stupid, or silly. I think it's important to give people that. I also accept the dark clouds in people's lives. I don't shy away from it. I know a lot of people do, but I am one that does not. As I've said, I've had pretty rough go of things, so if you think that people don't understand, I just might. And even if I don't, I will try to because it's important to. That's it. I have no other requirements, expectations, or rules.

As for what you can expect from me, it's certainly isn't posts. I'm not saying I won't post, I will. But, I'm much more interested in reading about you than I am writing about myself. I can be quite chatty in the comments section of peoples journal, hopefully that's not a problem, and occasionally, I like to private message people. I mention it because some people may not like that, but sometimes I feel what I say isn't for everyone's eyes. My posts usually range from random thoughts, memories, or stories from my life. Occasionally, I like to share videos, or I may share music or books. I also like to ask my friends list questions because I'm interested in how they feel, or think about certain things. Oh, and I like to post pictures of my cats.


My god, I've written a novel. When I sat down to write this, I intended to keep it short and sweet Heh.

Nice to meet everyone. If we're struggling to make conversations, you're just not feeling it, or whatever. Feel free to remove me. There are no hard feelings! Sometimes I'm just not a good fit for other people.


Other places you can find me on the internets:

Last fm: Viciousteeth

Tumblr: Heartsarelikegraveyards

Spotify: Backslashthroat

Ask.fm: Thatssocliche



Other things I should probably mention that might be important: I'm an agnostic atheist, and Ralph Nader is my political crush. I hope none of these things are an issue. They shouldn't be, but we live in a world where it could be unfortunately.  I don't discuss politics or religion in my journal, but I'm fine with people who do.



Date: 2017-05-03 03:55 am (UTC)
jesse_dylan: (Default)
From: [personal profile] jesse_dylan
Are you or were you much of a Facebooker? I have never been much (except during the election cycle, when I was like a Bernie Sharebot and upset most everyone I know). That said, I noticed myself typing in these comments boxes and hitting shift-Enter instead of just Enter for a line break. Because on stupid Facebook, if you hit enter without holding shift, it sends it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!





Now I can hit enter all I want.




enter enter enter...





Line breaks everywhere!

Date: 2017-05-03 11:43 pm (UTC)
jesse_dylan: (Default)
From: [personal profile] jesse_dylan
SIGHHH......

HAHAHA the chat thing is awful! I figured out how to turn that off quickly. But I think it still says when I was last active and stuff. I hate that. I also hate that I had to download the Messenger app (Facebook Messenger--they must have bought the "Messenger" trademark from whomever, cause do you remember like MSN Messenger and stuff? hehe) in order to reply to messages. Like my boss messages me and stuff. Aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I always felt that I'd be happy to have any of my LJ friends on Facebook, but I sure as hell did not want my Facebook friends on LJ...

Date: 2017-05-05 01:49 am (UTC)
jesse_dylan: (Default)
From: [personal profile] jesse_dylan
I used to just read the Facebook messages in my e-mail when it sent me notifications. That way I'd never have to click it, and then it would never say that I'd seen it! But now it doesn't show anything in the e-mail notifications, and I turned them off. Boo. The amount of times I've straight out lied to people and said, "Oh, gosh, sorry, I didn't see this message and now it's months old!" is pretty sad. Anxiety makes one do things that, to those who do not understand, seem really horrendously rude and awful.

I wanted to say something wise here about stormy weather friends. I came up empty. You do seem like quite a caring, giving person, nurturing and a good listener, who doesn't ask for much/anything back. Hey, sounds like an INFP, I suppose, doesn't it. But I do feel like people like us get walked on a bit. Sometimes I feel like I fulfill people's emotional needs when they are sad and broken, when they need a good listener, and then when they recover, they'd much rather communicate with people who are more fun than me and less prone to broody discussions of feelings. :P That makes me sound like a needy loser. I have kind of become more of a loner than a needy loser, but it is true that at least in my romantic relationship, I was mind-bogglingly insecure and needy (not all my fault, though, I want to say, in my defense)

(how did it turn from wanting to say something about stormy weather friends into that?)

Date: 2017-05-06 04:04 am (UTC)
jesse_dylan: (Default)
From: [personal profile] jesse_dylan
We do write novels to each other! I wonder if the longest comment thread in history has been written by me. I shouldn't flatter myself to think so, but I have been part of some legends. Even if it was written by me, I wouldn't be able to say what it was about, though. Hm. There is a very select subset of people that can do this type of thing. I don't know if we have a maladaption or what. (spellcheck doesn't like that, but I swear it's a word) I have never really gone for it quite this fervently with anyone else though so quickly I don't think.

I have a career in being a worn-in blanket now. And now that I've mostly returned to numbness over my own issues, it's kind of nice to feel needed. Once in a while, I do kind of lose it (on the inside--no one can tell outside) and wonder why I spend 8 hours a day listening to people talk about their papers and jobs at shoe stores and jerky lovers and loving jerky, when my own life is falling apart. Sort of like how sometimes it feels a little hollow trying to help a student get a degree/job that will get them 6 figures when I'm just above the poverty line.

Where was I going with this... I guess I was just talking about being macaroni and cheese. Which sounds great right now! I have a jar of cookie butter, by the way, and I'm in my underwear. We lead parallel lives. (My last two sentences are either an attempt at humor or the absolute worst pick-up line ever...???? Would make a nice greeting card if you want to add it to the list...)

Oh yeah, and the most important thing to reply to, which I totally neglected to reply to--please don't ever feel obligated to reply, or reply on a schedule, or anything like that! And I feel that way about phone calls, too, like, really, people expect me to just run to the phone if they call? (...i never do... whisper whisper)

Sorry, I have one more thing to say, on-topic (sorry sorry! I feel weird when I reply and double the length of what I'm replying to). I have a friend, and she and I used to text a lot. Sometimes it got to be too much for me, like I'd be home from work with really limited time, and I did not want to constantly have to run to my phone. She seemed to get a little irked if I didn't reply right away, or wonder if something was wrong, but the fact was just that I don't like to multitask, was doing something else, and don't really like to be on my phone all that much. Just as you said, it's nothing against her--it's just how I am. But now, she hardly texts me in the evenings at all! (It's my co-worker.) I have to wonder if I hurt her feelings about it, or if maybe her husband was like, "Uh, it's weird for you guys to text so much." She is truly one of my best friends. I am in that spot where I'm totally okay with how things are, but am now worried that I did something.

(I tell you this because I know you'll get it, because I was reminded of it, and because I haven't told anyone because I don't really know anyone who would get it. That's a lot of becausing. But I guess mostly I bring it up to try to prove to you that I get it? Who knows why I do what I do.)
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